Vaccination Proclaimation

September 29, 2007

vaccinate.jpg

Read All About it

September 23, 2007

Ian and Chris have gotten down from their mug tree (where they reside, because they are a pair of fucking mugs) and recorded a new series of Pirate Chat . For the uninitiated, Pirate Chat is a 10 minute podcast style affair which is akin to Vic Reeve’s Big Night Out, if it was performed in someone’s Mam’s attic. It has received rave reviews form the press, they tell me, and I thoroughly recommend tuning in.

The new series starts Monday and can be found on their myspaz page.

Picnic

September 22, 2007

I really like this one, and I hope you do too *giggle*. Clicky to make biggy.

 

Here’s My Bright Idea

September 22, 2007

I drew all of todays comics last night when I was hammered. I swear down I don’t quite remember doing this one, but it’s testament to my prowess at colouring in. If you Can’t be arsed squinting at this, just click it.

True Faith

September 22, 2007

Bang! Pow! That’s right, I’ve taken a shot at Southern baptist televangelists. I’ve thrown my hat in the ring with every journalist, commentator, writer, comedian and academic of the last twenty years, and added nothing of any social, cultural or literary value. Just a stale observation based on two David Cross albums and a handful of Daily Show episodes worth of research. But still… POW! Click click click to make big big big and the words re re readable.

Sunshine?

September 22, 2007

Don’t let the poor reviews fool you. Danny Boyle’s Sunshine is a stunning work, It is Event Horizon with brains. It is two hours of beautiful claustrophobia. I may have viewed it in the middle of an eight can of cider binge, but I am thinking that it is perfect fodder for Alex and my’s outdoor projector experiment.

What experiment? Who is Alex? I understand that these questions blight you now, but in a week they will be but the dust of seven years past, wiped off a hyperspace console. (That is some fancy Sunshine talk).

My erstwhile Boys Brigade Ray Mears-alike work pal Alex and I have been trying to arrange a remote outdoor pitch black film screening for a few weeks, and this Saturday (the 29th) may be the perfect slot. So brush off your sleeping bags and unpack those tents, cos this weekend you come to a luxurious off-Hexham, camping strip and witness the power of a midnight terror session.

So, yes, this weekend brings burgers and scares in the heart of ‘what knifeman? It’s too dark’ country. (in all seriousness I’m talking about a very nice private camp site, walking distance from a station, after a 20 minute trip, with guaranteed cool scary films at the other end.)

PS Alcohol easily transported

Get ready to bumble!!!!

Holla!

Horoscropes – September 2007

September 20, 2007

Aries – If you are a green giant on the dating scene, this week, remember that hell hath no fury like a woman corned.

Taurus – On Wednesday you will be mildly disappointed by the new Go Team! Album.

Gemini – On Tuesday you will answer the question ‘Can I wank myself into a coma?’ Yes! However, you will be thrown out of the monastery.

Cancer – This week will see the planets align in your favour. Unfortunately the stars will align to spell your name and ‘is bent’ across the night sky.

Leo – Don’t let your dinner settle on Thursday, as it will settle down with a tumour wife and three bouncing acid reflux baby boys. And it will grow a white picket fence you will have to shit out.

Virgo – Monday and Tuesday see you binge on twiglets. Wednesday will see you turn into a twiglet. Thursday will see you resort to auto-cannibalism.

Libra – On Friday you will fall from Grace. She’s pretty, but she sure is tall.

Scorpio – On Sunday you will draw a web comic in which you and your wisecracking pal hang out with some monkeys who are also both pirates and ninjas. Also there will be Chuck Norris and David Hasselhoff. And it will be hilarious. Oh, and it will be 2004.

Sagittarius – On Saturday you will devise a sitcom pilot starring Thora Birch, the late Dame Thora Hird and early twentieth century Swedish actress Thora Östberg as Japanese kamikaze pilots. Sadly Channel 4 wil turn down your proposal for Thora! Thora! Thora!

Capricorn – Although, midweek, the papers will describe you as a ‘lone gunman’, your arresting officer will testify on Friday that you had an accomplice in ‘Sheriff Cuddles Teddington‘.

Aquarius – On Monday you will learn the difference between the terms ‘flammable’ and ‘inflammible’. And also the difference between the terms ‘Hair transplants’ and ‘hair plugs’.

Pisces – Your Monday will bring the good news that your day’s exploits have been bought to form the basic plot of Die Hard 5. You will hear this news whispered by your mother into the one ear poking out of your all-over body plaster.

Doodlewrecking Muthaflumpers

September 16, 2007

I may be as lazy as flump, but my boy Big Kevvy Ahmed (AKA B.K.A) isn’t. This boy is delivering a slab of high quality comic action daily, and instead of letting it slip down the back of your throats freely, you resist. Well lighten up fuckers, because it’s game time

An easy equation:

£100 of my money on bankroll

The Ladyboys of Bangkok in town for the best part of a month.

Want to come along? leave a comment.

Here is a list of people who aren”t allowed to say no

Harry-Hat, Jamie, Amber, Queenie, Paulomunky, Med, ME.

Anything surplus is spent on cocktails

PS I’m filing this fucker under TRAUMA